Everyone can use a good cry. When we no longer hold our emotions in check, the floodgates open up and we feel some sense of relief. This is seen in real time with Joseph, our main character for the ending of Genesis. To understand his emotional state in Vayigash, we have to first take a look at Mikeitz. In this portion, Joseph sees his brothers but soon realizes that none of them recognize him. With that context, we see below:

Genesis 42:24

(24) He turned away from them and wept. But he came back to them and spoke to them; and he took Simeon from among them and had him bound before their eyes.

Joseph was able to hide his tears simply by turning away- imagine shedding a single tear or getting a little “sniffly.” He’s able to contain his emotions in the same room. That all changes when the brothers continue to use a translator to communicate. It becomes harder and harder:

Genesis 43:30-31

(30) With that, Joseph hurried out, for he was overcome with feeling toward his brother and was on the verge of tears; he went into a room and wept there. (31) Then he washed his face, reappeared, and—now in control of himself—gave the order, “Serve the meal.”

The tears flowed to the point that Joseph’s face became flushed. He needed to wash up just to see his brothers as the minister (still not as their brother). That’s the story of our previous parasha, Mikeitz. We are left with a cliffhanger, as Joseph has identified his brothers, but his brothers have yet to figure out that the super important minister of Egypt is in fact their long lost brother, a man they had left to die.

Genesis 45:1-3

(1) Joseph could no longer control himself before all his attendants, and he cried out, “Have everyone withdraw from me!” So there was no one else about when Joseph made himself known to his brothers. (2) His sobs were so loud that the Egyptians could hear, and so the news reached Pharaoh’s palace. (3) Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph. Is my father still well?” But his brothers could not answer him, so dumbfounded were they on account of him.

Finally able to shed a tear, Joseph cried out- our commentators discuss whether or not Joseph felt embarrassed, or on the flip side, if he sent everyone out of the room to not embarrass his brothers…either way, this is a chance to be finally let it all out.

Genesis 45:12-15

(12) You can see for yourselves, and my brother Benjamin for himself, that it is indeed I who am speaking to you. (13) And you must tell my father everything about my high station in Egypt and all that you have seen; and bring my father here with all speed.” (14) With that he embraced his brother Benjamin around the neck and wept, and Benjamin wept on his neck. (15) He kissed all his brothers and wept upon them; only then were his brothers able to talk to him.

A second layer of crying- no longer just the wailing, but the embrace and the kisses- seeing his brother Benjamin (and Benjamin understanding that he’s seeing his long lost brother Joseph) is a full body experience.

And finally, Joseph meets up with his father, someone who had prayed for his return for some 22 years.

Genesis 46:29

(29) Joseph ordered his chariot and went to Goshen to meet his father Israel; he presented himself to him and, embracing him around the neck, he wept on his neck a good while.

The singular use – that “he wept” and not “they wept” is puzzling. Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch writes,

Yosef cried; Yaacov no longer cried. Yaacov already finished crying, but Yosef just began when he spoke with his father… Yaacov had lived until this point a life of constancy: He cried for Yosef. His grief ruled his entire emotional/spiritual being. Yosef’s life, on the other hand, abounded with change and flux, and he never had the time to turn his heart to the pain of his separation [from his father]. He was always preoccupied with the present. Only now, at the moment when he fell on his father’s neck did he feel all the agony of that separation, and he re-lived all of those 22 years past.

For all the crying of these two torah portions, Jacob does not cry. One can find power in the rabbinic view that Jacob had been crying for all those years and just had nothing left. But I’d like to consider another option. Joseph wept on his father, embraced his father, and Jacob took it all in. By feeling the embrace of his son, hearing his cries, it made the experience no longer a pipe dream but a real one. The physical touch of someone he had longed for was so powerful that beyond the wailing, he could just BE in the moment. For me, that is the essence of this parsha. Yes, we leave windows to cry, but the greatest embraces that take place are when Joseph can finally be Joseph with his brothers (no more hiding), when he can finally embrace the man who has cried for him for 22 years. To be present, in the moment, without inhibition, is the essence of our parsha. As we look to the tensions that exist in our interactions- with estranged loved ones and friends, with political opponents, it’s a reminder that you don’t always have the right words to say; the tears don’t automatically flow at the moment you think you can plan for them to flow. To fight through the tensions, to pierce the heart, to feel the embrace of connection, all we need to be, is present. If we don’t show up, open our hearts to possibilities of repair, words and emotions will never succeed nor will they fail, for they will never happen. To be present, or not to be present, that is the question.